Snuggie: The Tough, Smart Blanket

The famous Snuggies ad begins with two rhyming couplets:

You want to feel warm when you’re feeling chilled
But you don’t want to raise your heating bill
Blankets are okay but they can slip and slide
And when you want to reach for something, your hands are trapped inside

It bugs me that the rest of the ad is just standard uninspired ad copy. I guess they didn’t realize Shel Silverstein's commission was so steep. But mine isn’t. I rhyme for free. So I rewrote the ad in rhyming verse, included all the original selling points and tightened up the meter (somewhat).


Snuggie: The Tough, Smart Blanket

You want to feel the warmth when you are feeling chilled
But you don’t want to raise that dreaded heating bill
Big blankets are a problem: they can slip and slide
If you reach for something your hands are trapped inside.

Now there’s the Snuggie-the blanket that has sleeves
Better than a cuddle buddy because it never leaves.
Snuggie keeps you toasty and gives freedom to your hand.
You can work your dear remote, smoke your contraband.

You can read a novel in total warmth and ease.
Eat your Ding Dong dinner if that is what you please.
Use your laptop. Search for porn. Snuggie’s good for that.
Remember when poor PeeWee had to hide it in his hat?

Snuggie is made of ultra soft luxurious thick fleece
Big sleeves let you move your arms and still hide your piece.
Snuggie lets your hands be free while you stay nice and warm.
You can lead a fulfilled life and never leave your dorm!

Snuggie comes in Super Large—one size that fits all.
Careful not to trip yourself when you heed the call.
You stay warm from head to toe—no more cold nose or feet
No more buying cats and dogs just for their body heat.

You can wash your Snuggie clean, it will last for years
So take it to that game and drink up all those beers
Take it camping and Snuggie underneath the moon
Keep one in your car where you may be living soon.

Snuggle with your baby; it’s just what you’ve been needing.
Remember: wear it backwards to accommodate breastfeeding.
Snuggie lets you get up and still stay as warm as toast.
At Halloween just add a ski mask-Boo! You are a ghost!

Snuggie's for everyone--adults and children, too.
Available in burgundy, sage and royal blue.
Now go about your business, stay warm and move with ease.
Snuggie is the perfect thing unless your job’s striptease.